Something wicked this way comes

So I've been mentally preparing myself for the prospect of a potential gain this week. It's such a mind fuck to be gently reminding yourself it's OK for the scale to go up, as you're shoveling egg whites and spinach into your mouth. Especially since your body is screaming for chocolate.

I've been crampy and bloaty for a couple days, and have just rolled out the red carpet for the arrival of my long time nemesis;TOM.

I don't know what we women did in past lives to deserve this horrendous shit that is heaped on our plates every month, but it must have been bad. Think about it. Once a month, from when you're oh...let's say 12, until you are 55 (that's 516 x's, for those keeping score at home), your breasts become sore and tender, your headaches, your internal organs feel as though an iron fist is wringing them out, you balloon in size, you retain water, you become overtly hormonal, crave food that you're trying to avoid and then to top it all off, you bleed for 5-7 days straight.

Now, I went ahead and did the math for you. As women, in our lifetime, thanks to this wonderful, glorious, celebrated, beautiful, natural, phenomenon, we lose approximately 31Liters of blood in our life. What does that mean to you? That means in your lifetime, thanks to menstruation, you will bleed out 8 x's. That's right, ladies. EIGHT.TIMES. And what to men get? A funny looking ball sac and weird back hair. Real fair trade.

So next time your darling insignificant other starts giving you a hard time because it's "only PMS", see if they'd like to find out whether or not they can afford to bleed out once. Let alone 8 times.

That's 8 gallons. Look at the milk jug in your fridge. 8 of those. From your hoo haw. For no good reason. For the love of all that is holy, I think we deserve better than this. Yet this, is as good as it gets.

Bring on menopause.