Day 33
And life is sucking. It's weird, ya know? I've been back OP (weight watchers, for those in the dark) for 33 days now, and I'm down 16 pounds, which I am quite ecstatic about, don't get me wrong.
However, I find these days that I'm more unhappy with myself than I've been in a long time. I've seen a few pictures taken of me the past few days that have reduced me to tears. It's funny how I still don't see myself like that in the mirror. In fact, the pictures over the past few days I've found to be more offensive to my sensibilities than ones taken 16 pounds ago.
Furthermore, for the first time since I've switched to this stylist (4 years) I'm really unhappy with my hair. I think she did a piss poor job with the colour (her choice), and she cut it too short, leaving me more self conscious than I've ever been in my entire life.
Regardless of how heavy I've found myself, I've always found my face to be my saving grace. I don't care if that sounds conceited, I'm quite happy with my looks. But with this new cut and colour, I just feel gross. I'd go so far as to say hideous. Nothing about me feels attractive for the first time in my life, and I'm having a very hard time dealing with that. Especially since I'm now trying to improve upon it, and when I look in the mirror, there's nothing making me happy. 16 pounds ago, that wasn't true. Now add to the fact that my clothes are starting to fit a little funny, I actually look frumpier, too. Not fun.
All is not lost however, I met up with some amazing women over the weekend and had a blast Saturday night. Shirls (HappyChix) flew in from Calgary to spend the day, and she is one of the most amazing women I've ever met. Stunningly gorgeous, hilarious and inspiring, it's really too bad she doesn't live here.
Mandy (Iwillwin) and I picked her up at the airport, hit the malls, sat and gabbed, grabbed a bite at Rae & Jerry's, then booked it down to Chateau Lanes to meet up with Rina (quit grabbing my ass), chickideefarmgirl (Kathryn, who, incidentally, rocks my mismatched socks off) and kdavies (Kelly, who is quiet at first but fun). I really look forward to getting to know these women a lot better over the coming months, and celebrating their successes with them.
So stay tuned to my emotional roller coaster blogs for updates on my mental not so well being.
And if any of you can give me tips on how to funk out my blog, and add other blogs as links, that'd be rad.
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7 comments:
I'm still bummed out over missing it :( booooo!
If you aren't happy with the stylist--find a new one--You should always be happy with what you pay for! Maybe your mood needs a little retail therapy as a pick me up!! If your clothes are getting loose, treat yourself to something new. It works for me.
I did treat myself to something new, and it DID pick me up. Until I saw myself wearing it in a photo.
As for the stylist, I think it was just a poor choice. She's a good close friend of mine, and a highly sot after, award winning hairdresser, to boot.
Part of my problem, I believe, is hormones.
And Wheebs, we missed you :(
I lurve you girl.
That is all.
Thanks, hotstuff
I think you look great! I thought all you lovely ladies looked wonderful and are inspiring to me (I saw the pics on various blogs).
We all have those crappy days where we just feel disgusted with ourselves. Let's just try to make them as few as possible! I'm all for that.
first of all, love the new blog look girl, I'm glad you got the link thing figured out.
Second, as much as I think you rocked that gray top and I'm sure I told you that during the day, cause I thought you were super stunning!
I get that after the fact when you see a picture, no matter that the rest of us thought you were a stunner, you didn't like it. I understand the frustration, and the down right piss off that it can be, I wish I could tell you that at some point it goes away but sadly I think this is something all gals face on occasion, sorry hun if I could at all possibly make it better I would for you in a heartbeat.
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