The more things change, the more they stay the same

June 13th, 2006. Some of you may recall a blog I wrote titled " This one's about
Rock n' roll, and comic books and bubble gum"

In short, I ranted and raved about the husband setting the alarm with good exercise intentions, but all he accomplished was having a homicidal woman sleeping a mere 24 inches from his head.

The past week, he's been up to his same old tricks. This morning, the alarm shrieks to life at 6AM. I rub the glue from my eyes, and try to lift my head, which I swear weighs 45 pounds at this hour, from it's soft pillowy heaven. I hear the sheets rustle and feel the mattress spring up, and I think to myself, FINALLY. He's gotten it. I smile triumphantly into my haven, and I'm out. The next thing I know, there's a strange man talking to me from the corner of my room. Startled, I sit bolt upright in bed, only to notice the snoring form of my husband next to me, and the strange man in the corner is actually the radio. Again.

At this point ladies and gentlemen, I'm seconds from ending his life. I suggest strongly that he start praying. He jumps outta bed and shuts it off. Now normally, I'd say fuck it. I'm up. But I'm exhausted. I figure, all right. I'll up at 7, and I'll rush around. He snoozes the damn thing TWICE. And he decides, a'ight, 7 oclock is as good an hour as any to rouse himself, and then he heads straight to the shower, totally throwing my morning off.

And if the above isn't bad enough, I awoke this morning feeling as though God has started dabbling in voodoo magic, and I'm the experimental pin cushion. My neck is sore and I'm pretty sure my shoulder is in a position that's only natural for gumby, or contortionists.

It can only get better, right? WRONG.

Tonight, I start my first running clinic, and it's going to be approximately -327ºC. And that's before windchill. Nothing says awesome like frozen lung tissue. Plus! I forgot all my WW stuff at home, and I now feel naked.

On the upside of things, I'm getting a new cut and colour this afternoon. I better not leave with a green mohawk, or someone WILL cease to exist.

That's my life as of 10AM.

Shania Parody

I'm back in the saddle ladies. Battle of the bulge.

10.4 lbs in two weeks, and going, going, going.

Here's my Version of Shania's Up!

I’m ‘bout as fat as I can be

My chin has multiplied by three

Dear God, just how much do I weigh?

I feel nothing but dismay

With the scale you hear me plea

Down-down-down

Can only go down from here

Down-down-down-down

‘till my toes reappear

There’s no way but down from here

Even something a child can do

Like bending down to tie my shoe

It just leaves me outta breath

Praying for a speedy death

It’s so sad, but it is true

Down-down-down

Can only go down from here

Down-down-down-down

‘till my toes reappear

There’s no way but down from here

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

So I will start to count my points

Bring relief for my poor joints

Drinking water all day long

Will power please make me strong

I can’t afford to disappoint

I’m ‘bout as fat as I can be

My chin has multiplied by three

Dear God, just how much do I weigh?

I feel nothing but dismay

With the scale you hear me plea

Down-down-down

Can only go down from here

Down-down-down-down

‘till my toes reappear

There's no way but down from here